scorpion Archives - Jeremy C. Processing

Director – Adam Shankman – 2025 – US – Cert. 15 – 90m

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A luxury bullet train hurtles towards a stormaganza in what is essentially Airplane! rehashed with drag queens – disaster movie and alleged comedy is out in UK cinemas on Friday, August 21st

Commerical break. The Glamazonian Express. The bullet train ride across America where your every whim will be catered for by glamourous hostesses clad in a fetching, bright red. Pampering is the order of the day. Nothing is too much to ask. All the passengers and staff are chic and beautiful people.

Tess (Ginger Minj) and DeeDee (Jujubee) are train hostesses with low budget competitor Stank Rail. In marked contrast to Glamazonian staff, their uniforms are excrement brown and urine yellow-green. Their colleague Barbra (Latrice Royale) has recently been laid off, and further redundancies appear likely. Back at rail training college, the pair pledged to “See America”, but their career trajectory since then has been down the lavatory.

Then they overhear Glamazonian hostesses talking about a departure to Florida delayed because some hostesses have failed to show up. A quick visit to the ladies to improvise makeshift red uniforms, and they themselves show up at Glamazonian’s check-in desk, are given uniforms by Barbra (who does several jobs and will later reappear in other roles), and suddenly are Glamazonian hostesses.… Read the rest

Epic Tails
(Pattie
Et La Colère
De Poséidon)

Director – David Alaux, Eric Tosti, Jean-François Tosti – 2022 – France – Cert. U – 95m – English language dubbed version

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The adventurous mouse Pattie and her cautious, adoptive parent cat Sam help an ageing Jason and his skeletal Argonaut crew in a voyage to save the city of Yolcos from the wrath of Poseidon – out in UK cinemas in an English language dubbed version on Friday, February 10th

In Greek myth, forever immortalised in the cinema in Jason And The Argonauts (1963, Stop-Frame Animation & FX: Ray Harryhausen), the heroic Jason brings the Golden Fleece to his home city of Yolcos which then enjoys the protection of the Zeus against the unruly antics of the rest of the Gods in Mount Olympus. This French, animated children’s film, in which the two lead characters are anthropomorphised animals and which is released in the UK in an English language dubbed version, begins in that city around half a century later when Jason has reached a ripe old age and all his faithful Argonauts have died.

All the voice credits in the following review refer to the English language voice cast. Animation is different from live action, where dubbing can generally ruin actors’ performances in films, since in animation, voices and visual are created separately then married together.… Read the rest