unexpected Archives - Jeremy C. Processing

Director – Vernon Sewell – 2025 – UK – Cert. 12a – 80m

*****

Three men have planned the perfect bank robbery… but then, everything goes wrong – out in UK cinemas on Friday, January 30th, BFI Blu-ray Monday, February 23rd, and BFI Player Monday, March 23rd

Strongroom doesn’t hang around. It opens with a strongroom door which must be locked at close of business by two separate keys, one looked after by the bank manager Mr. Spencer (Colin Gordon from Oh Brother!, TV series, 1968; The Pink Panther, Blake Edwards, 1963; Heavens Above!, The Boulting Brothers, 1963; The Man in the White Suit, Alexander Mackendrick, 1951) and the other by his secretary Miss Taylor (Ann Lynn from Just Good Friends, TV series, 1984-86; A Shot in the Dark, Blake Edwards, 1964). This Saturday, she’s agreed to work late as no-one will be in until the Tuesday after Easter.

What neither of them know is that sitting outside the bank in their small van, waiting for the bank employees to leave as per their usual schedule, is a gang of three criminals Griff (Derren Nesbitt from Tucked, Jamie Patterson, 2018; Where Eagles Dare, Brian G.… Read the rest

The Monkey
(2025)

Director – Osgood Perkins – 2025 – US – Cert. 15 – 98m

****

An automaton monkey found by two twins causes horrific deaths to people around them – out in UK cinemas on Friday, February 21st

This sets its tone early on with a framing story in which a junk store owner is asked by mild-mannered, bespectacled protagonist Hal (Theo James, who also plays his twin brother Bill) to take a clockwork monkey off his hands, insisting that the object, whatever it might be, is not a toy. The store owner is sceptical. More fool him, because he is about to undergo one of many sudden, gruesome and unexpected deaths of which the film offers a gorehound’s smorgasboard.

Other notable characters include their mum Lois (Tatania Maslany from Woman in Gold, Simon Curtis, 2015; Eastern Promises, David Cronenberg, 2007), Hal’s estranged son Petey (Colin O’Brien from Wonka, Paul King, 2023) and Petey’s stepfather Ted (Elijah Wood from The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Peter Jackson, 2001-3).

This Stephen King adaptation comes from the school of horror films which are, basically, an excuse for staging a series of sudden, gruesome and unexpected deaths. Inventiveness is high on the menu, provided you accept that killing multiple people in unique and spectacular ways can be said to be inventive.… Read the rest